lunesque

So, yesterday sucked, as I was just laid off from my job.

*sigh*

If I'm eligible for unemployment, I think I'm just going to chill for a while. I'm totally bummed out.

Dude, I am still, like, fangirling over my new job. Like, my supervisor went over my weekly tasks with me, and I had DONE THEM ALL. And spent like, six out of eight hours at work yesterday TROLLING THE INTERNETS because there was NOTHING FOR ME TO DO.

Part of me is going, this is way too easy. Surely this can't be an actual position that I'm being paid for, right? It's madness. I get off work and I'm ready to go DO SOMETHING and EXIST and BE A PERSON, whereas at my old job, I wanted to die. It's such a strange experience I can't help but wonder where the catch is.

STILL! ENJOYING IT WHILE I CAN!

So, with the extra hours I have before sleep, I have been playing Dragon Age again, this time with the specific idea of romancing Morrigan so I can play the Witch Hunt DLC with this relationship and see what happens.

And then I get Zevran, and I think, I should kill him, because he's the reason I'm stuck on my casteless dwarf because I'm stuck between Alistair and Zevran and I'm too much of a coward to speak to my video game boyfriends.

But I don't kill him, because hey, he is a good party member and everything, you know? And then I gave him a present and flirted just a little with him, and the next thing I know, he's inviting me to his tent for sexytimes and I'm like ZEVRAN, QUIT BEING A SLUT I FIND YOU IRRESISTIBLE.

So I restarted from my last save, and I'm not going to talk to him again. At all. For the rest of the game. ;_; IT'S TRAGIC, OKAY?

I've also been listening to all the Damien Rice music on youtube, because I talked to dungeonmarm last month about the song Gray Room and realized I'd never listened to the guy's albums, and I love it. I went to his website to buy the music, and discovered it would actually cost me more to download the songs electronically than it would be to buy both albums from Ireland and have them shipped overseas. Craziness.

At some point, probably tomorrow, I will have Glee music for the last two weeks set up. Is anyone even collecting Glee music anymore?

In other news, I had an interview today for a position at the Log Cabin Democrat for some data entry work. Don't know how I did, since they said it was a preliminary interview and they'd be calling people in for second interviews if they made the short list. I have no thoughts on whether I am getting a second interview or not, although I'm leaning on the 'not' side. Also, having to ask if they would like references, and the HR manager going, "You didn't give them with your resume?" makes me feel like they barely looked at my resume at all.

So, fail. If I don't get the job, I don't get the job. I am getting burned out at my silly call center job, though, so it would be a nice change in scenery.

At about 9:30 tonight, I was pretty much starving, since the only thing I'd eaten all day was a potato taco and burrito at Taco Bell for lunch, and went scrounging around for something to eat at my place. Being vegetarian is really tough sometimes! I have to buy all my food, and I've been pretty broke the past couple of weeks, so I was getting into trouble. I wanted more than baby carrots to nom on. Fortunately, I found my box of couscous, and making that was a success. Making ramen without the seasoning and trying to add cheese was less of a success, though. Right now, it's sitting in the bowl and staring at me as it becomes a nasty, congealed mess. Blech.

Still failing on the writing front. I have ideas! I swear! And then I work my way to execution, and I'm like, eh. I suck. Why bother trying? And then I find something else to do, like read network or continue my readthrough of Questionable Content, or play Final Fantasy 13-2 (which I am enjoying. SERAH! WITH A PERSONALITY! \o/)

Today is dungeonmarm's birthday (happy birthday!) and I get paid tomorrow, so I figure we'll go to Michelangelo's for dinner. Italian food and sweet, alcoholic drinks. What's not to love?

Last thing before my eyes completely blur and I pass out in exhaustion—dungeonmarm and I are writing a web comic called Furnace and Lyric. I don't know if I've actually mentioned it here before, but it's been a lot of fun. You can find it here: furnace_and_lyric_feed. It's sort of silly right now, but IDEK. It may be growing a plot? For all the comic book reading I do, I really have no idea how to write scripts. This is kind of an interesting exercise.

I'm going to pass out now. I'm pretty sure I've gone temporarily blind, and I'm typing by touch.

Things I'm thankful for:

1) Officially cutting ties with the CCFU as of today.
2) The friends, the knowledge, the life I've been given, that I've lived, that gave me the strength to do that instead of ignore his behavior.

It's been really interesting, going through my comics and seeing what I'm willing to get rid of. I'm surprised it's actually just a little less than half of them. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have been horrified at the idea of letting anything go. I was trained to be a collector by both of my parents, and it seemed completely alien to get rid of a comic or trading cards or whatever because you're collecting it.

But it takes up space. And some things comics I collected I've fallen out of love with, and some things I feel intensely bitter over for existing in my collection in the first place (Fantastic Four? Dr. Strange? I KNOW WHY YOU'RE IN THERE AND IT PISSES ME OFF.)

[That story, by the way, is a very small story, and a normal person would probably be over it by now, but I have a crazy memory and the ability to hold grudges forever. The grudge I have against the FF and Dr. Strange relates to my father giving me a $20 gift certificate when I was like, eight, and instead of, you know, letting a freaking kid buy the damned comics she wanted, The Fuckwit took my fucking gift certificate and bought things with it that would pay off by being 'collectible' and would 'get me money when I was older'. FUCK THAT NOISE. SO BITTER. BITTER. *gnashes teeth*]

ANYWAY. Yeah. I'm willing to sell a crazy amount of my comics. I can't wait to go through my KKM collection to see what I can part with. Even though I still admit that travel-size toothbrush and Yuuri cup is still adorable. And I'm not giving up my hand painted art cells for anything.

Also, I'm annoyed that the opal bracelet that I gave my Mom that I was kind of wanting to have is apparently IN HER URN. WITH HER ASHES. ARGH, FUCKWIT, WHY?

You know, I dislike flaky people. I do. Today, for example.

I called my brother two weeks ago, and invited him over for video games and hanging out, since I haven't seen him before Mom passed. He said yes, which was awesome and all that stuff. I also texted Rick four times to remind them that I got off work at 4pm today, but any time after that I would be good to go. Rick said it was a-ok, and they would see me then.

Cue being 9pm. I text them, wondering if they're late, and Tommy calls, saying that they got busy and he wouldn't be coming over after all.

Which, you know, fine, whatever. But they didn't have the decency to tell me at five? Or six?

I feel very unwanted. :(

I've been sitting here in front of this journal screen for a while now, trying to figure out what the hell to say. I was really surprised when I looked through my last couple of journal entries and found out that I hadn't said anything at all, so--here goes.

Two weeks ago, my mom went into the hospital. It seemed like she was starting to get better, but two days ago, she started having seizures. We've officially placed her in hospice care yesterday. Now, we're just waiting for her to die.

I think, when I started to write this, that I intended to talk about our relationship, to try and wrestle with this situation, make it some sort of poetic essay, end it with something deep and profound, but I'm just so tired.

I'm not going to be there when she dies. But waiting for the call is just as hard.

Dude. My dad and I were in an auto accident tonight.

There was a giant cow.

The giant cow ignored us, but jeez, our windshield is ruined.

We're okay, although I'm still picking glass out of my hair.

Dear life:

You're actually treating me really well right now. I appreciate it. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Me

---

In other news, I'm still pathetic at push ups. I'm going to repeat Week 1 of the program to keep conditioning, and hopefully get onto week two next week. On the other hand, I did the initial test for one of the sister programs, 200 sit ups, and I can do 50 correct form sit ups, despite my enormous girth, so I'm happy about that.

I've only broken down and gotten Pepsi once this week. Thank god for Coke Zero, I'm telling you. I don't like it as much as Pepsi, but I love it more than the original Coke. It makes me wonder how Pepsi Max would taste. Also, I successfully made brownie mugs today as a surprise for my dad.

Applied for a new job. It's for Inventory/Data Entry, which I love, but of course, no guarantees I can get it, and if I do, I probably won't be paid as much. Maybe two part time jobs? I don't know. Here's hoping for surprise!benefits.

In other news, my mom is going in for a biopsy at the end of the month, to verify that she's a viable option for liver transplant, and once we get information on that (hopefully positive) I'll be taking a blood test to see if we match. I'm O- — and her daughter, of course — which means I'm simply her best shot at getting a new liver. Me, a donor? Maybe.

Fandom-wise, I've signed up for romcomorama for Kate/Renee, but I'm feeling a stunning lack of motivation for anything. I'm a writer. Ha.

Also, I'm totes planning already to get tickets for Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas concert later this year, if they come to Arkansas. Anyone coming along? The first half is super cheesy, but they always make up for it in the second half.

So, while I'm waiting for the music to upload, I thought I'd write a little.

* Work is awful. I have to find another job, or I'm going to have a crying jag and walk out of the middle of my shift again, and my supervisor deserves better than that.

* I did miss lady_krysis and dungeonmarm at the Tuesday gathering, but scheherezhad and I had a lot of fun. I baked pumpkin gingerbread and gave her a whole loaf. So :P to those who missed out.

Also, I forced her to watch the last episode of Supernatural, and then it was Glee time! I've totally figured out the best way to watch Glee: low expectations.

( Some Glee spoilers )