(no subject)

Today I baked a Hummingbird Cake, which has cinnamon and smushed bananas and crushed pineapple. It smells lovely. There's a part of me that's like, jeez, I should make one of these for myself, but then I remember I still have half an apple pie that I baked, and it would be pointless for me to bake another cake for myself because I would have one piece and then it would just sit in the fridge for two weeks until I threw it out, all the while mourning how it had been a good cake and I should've eaten more of it. IDK.

I need to really, really work on the beta for my Losers story, but I'm just so blah about everything. Blah seems to be my default mood for the last year. I feel like I'm about to edge into another one of my depressive mood swings, which is just perfect for all the writing I'm not doing. I just have this all consuming weariness, this listlessness. I play a video game and put it down because I'm bored. I read a book and put it down because it's too much effort to hold it up. I write, and then think about how no one actually reads my writing anymore anyway and I lose all motivation. My stories suck because they're mine and I can't write. I can muster up enthusiasm when I'm with someone, but when I'm alone, I just sit and think what now?

Anyway, I baked a cake today. Go me.