(no subject)

You know, it's really sad when I sit to write an entry, and the only thing I can think of is 'Bones wasn't on, and I haven't seen Pushing Daisies yet, so there's nothing to say!' I know that my journal has gotten really television-centric since the new seasons started, but that's just kind of depressing.

It reminds me of that meme I did a while ago (which only makishef participated in, about writing an entry that was out of your comfort zone. Of course, I could never decide which one of the three to write (sex stories, yaoi, or world hunger, which is the odd duck in that list? *laughs*) and I really only know enough about one of those categories to write anything in-depth. I mean, the only sex I have or that appeals to me is the kind I write. And yaoi, I've mostly stopped reading that because I'm tired of boys that cry all the time and magically lubing orifices. And as for world hunger, I don't really know all that much about that, either. I know people are hungry, just like I know that people are illiterate and homeless and that our rain forests are still dying square foot by square foot. And I know that, at best, I'm a passive activist, and the easiest thing for me to help with is thinking about global warming, because that's something that I can help control on my own. And maybe that's all a lot of the same, since we don't really know how much a single person can help when so many people are careless. (So what if I ride a bike? Everyone else drives. How much help am I really? So what if I keep our thermostat down, and I recycle, and I take shorter showers to prevent using too much energy for hot water? What real difference does any of that make?) And the hours that I work make it really difficult to do any volunteering on things that matter to me. So I fall into this rut. Because tv, at least, the way I watch it, doesn't make me any stupider than I've always been, thank God, and it makes me happy.

I have no money to donate, no time to volunteer, and sometimes it seems like the only thing I can do is vote, which really doesn't matter in Arkansas anyway, because they don't go with the majority of the popular vote, and we're a red state anyway. I don't like thinking about the bigger picture, because it just reminds me how very small my life actually is.

I'm lucky, I know. I'm fed and clothed, and I have a family that loves me (and I seem to be getting along better with them now, which is a relief) I have a decent job, and a new position I'm applying for. I'm relatively healthy and active, although I'm overweight (that's also diminishing, yay!) I have time to write my stories, and I don't work two jobs, we have two computers and the internet. We can go to the movies on occasion. Our life is decent. And it makes me sort of guilty thinking about that, when so much is going wrong with the world.

Of course, this numbness could quite possibly be just a defense against my mother, who is below poverty line and only ever, ever talks about how bad things are. They aren't going hungry or anything, but going to Denny's is going 'out' (and that makes me think of the months when my friends and I would be at Denny's every night for a month, waxing philosophical or stupid depending on our mood and the hour (you try being intelligent after being awake for 23 hours straight. :P) I don't know how to make things any better for her, much less the world.

So, I really don't know how to fix anything, but at least I have an entry that isn't all about television in my journal. That makes me happy, too.