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I've been thinking alot about the nature of friendship lately. (Once again, as I always seem to go into these philosophic cycles of what makes friendship and why people need these bonds.) My mother said something to me, once, after Caitlyn and I ended our friendship and I feared that my friendship with Kasi was going the same way-- that she felt badly for me, but that it was harder to keep hold of friendships that mean something to you as you grow older. It's hard to make new friends, and sometimes hard to keep older ones too.
And it didn't sound fair to me, but then again, life isn't supposed to be fair. It's something we all deal with, and it isn't always right but it's there, and we have to live it. But why should friendship be so much harder to hold on to as you get older? What changes so much that people just drift away or hurt each other with an unwillingness to go past the hard times? I've always believed that adversity makes a friendship stronger--that if you're a friend, you don't abandon each other when times get rough. You stay there, you work through it, and hopefully your friendship will be that much stronger for it.
I'm a lot more open, I think, about the kind of person I am than I used to be. Or at least, I hope I am, even if people think I'm mysterious and don't know what to do with me. In nearly every friendship-ending fight that I've had, the person I'm having trouble with takes the most secret, most private parts of myself that I trusted them with and flings them back in my face; they take a savage joy in grinding salt into wounds that should have been healed.
And I think,that maybe, friendships that you make when you're younger are more resilient because you are more resilient. Things hurt, but you heal. But the longer you go on, the older you get, the harder it is to heal from those emotional wounds you get from people you care about. In some cases, they last longer, they scar deeper, and when it comes to taking a chance of getting back that relationship v. the pain that you'd have to endure to get there... it's emotionally safer to just say good bye, even if you're haunted by them for weeks or years afterward. Where losing something you care about is better than holding on.
Or maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. That happens alot...
And it didn't sound fair to me, but then again, life isn't supposed to be fair. It's something we all deal with, and it isn't always right but it's there, and we have to live it. But why should friendship be so much harder to hold on to as you get older? What changes so much that people just drift away or hurt each other with an unwillingness to go past the hard times? I've always believed that adversity makes a friendship stronger--that if you're a friend, you don't abandon each other when times get rough. You stay there, you work through it, and hopefully your friendship will be that much stronger for it.
I'm a lot more open, I think, about the kind of person I am than I used to be. Or at least, I hope I am, even if people think I'm mysterious and don't know what to do with me. In nearly every friendship-ending fight that I've had, the person I'm having trouble with takes the most secret, most private parts of myself that I trusted them with and flings them back in my face; they take a savage joy in grinding salt into wounds that should have been healed.
And I think,that maybe, friendships that you make when you're younger are more resilient because you are more resilient. Things hurt, but you heal. But the longer you go on, the older you get, the harder it is to heal from those emotional wounds you get from people you care about. In some cases, they last longer, they scar deeper, and when it comes to taking a chance of getting back that relationship v. the pain that you'd have to endure to get there... it's emotionally safer to just say good bye, even if you're haunted by them for weeks or years afterward. Where losing something you care about is better than holding on.
Or maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. That happens alot...
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