Life.

[lunesque]

Here's one of my bimonthly posts. I was in a really good mood about ten minutes ago, but that's while I was still eating tater tots. Now I've finished, and I feel slightly overfed and just generally unhappy. I feel as though I'm always asking things of everyone else, but am unwilling to show them the same consideration. Don't ask for names--it is any and all of you.

My mind keeps spinning out, and I think too much and too fast and too far and not far enough and in circles over and over again until I kill it by playing DDR or sleep or shopping for things I don't really need but offer me solace from whatever it is I'm running away from.

God, I hate being so uncertain and so indecisive, but I don't know how to climb out of where I am to become something else. An even stronger me, one that isn't hypocritical and always lonely and always needing reassurance in one's affection. I want to genuinely care about everything again, not pretend when it suits me to pretend, to be as honest to myself as I am with everyone else. I miss being happy, and I suppose that's stupid, because everyone misses being happy. My problem is I feel like I'm sitting still, and I hate it.

I hate it. And I hate how everything I talk about is starting to sound the same.

Comments

[saekhwa]

Ewww. Seven o'clock is a hard shift though. I've done days where I kept hitting snooze then would have to dress, brush teeth, fix hair, and rush out the door in 10 minutes.

Everything's just been lagging, it seems. Maybe we'll get out of this funk.