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Life.
Here's one of my bimonthly posts. I was in a really good mood about ten minutes ago, but that's while I was still eating tater tots. Now I've finished, and I feel slightly overfed and just generally unhappy. I feel as though I'm always asking things of everyone else, but am unwilling to show them the same consideration. Don't ask for names--it is any and all of you.
My mind keeps spinning out, and I think too much and too fast and too far and not far enough and in circles over and over again until I kill it by playing DDR or sleep or shopping for things I don't really need but offer me solace from whatever it is I'm running away from.
God, I hate being so uncertain and so indecisive, but I don't know how to climb out of where I am to become something else. An even stronger me, one that isn't hypocritical and always lonely and always needing reassurance in one's affection. I want to genuinely care about everything again, not pretend when it suits me to pretend, to be as honest to myself as I am with everyone else. I miss being happy, and I suppose that's stupid, because everyone misses being happy. My problem is I feel like I'm sitting still, and I hate it.
I hate it. And I hate how everything I talk about is starting to sound the same.
My mind keeps spinning out, and I think too much and too fast and too far and not far enough and in circles over and over again until I kill it by playing DDR or sleep or shopping for things I don't really need but offer me solace from whatever it is I'm running away from.
God, I hate being so uncertain and so indecisive, but I don't know how to climb out of where I am to become something else. An even stronger me, one that isn't hypocritical and always lonely and always needing reassurance in one's affection. I want to genuinely care about everything again, not pretend when it suits me to pretend, to be as honest to myself as I am with everyone else. I miss being happy, and I suppose that's stupid, because everyone misses being happy. My problem is I feel like I'm sitting still, and I hate it.
I hate it. And I hate how everything I talk about is starting to sound the same.