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Hahaha. Dude, since the last time I updated, I think I've written like, six more Flash fics? /o\ And I actually finished The Break Up of the Ice, which officially makes it my longest completed work to date. I'm shocked and astounded.
Also, now writing a story that I suspect will be twice the length of BUOTI. This is ridiculous. I've fallen behind on my wordcount for April Camp NaNo, but I've gotten the first chapter of my Coldflash soulmate AU written, and I'm starting to unpack the second and third chapters. It's weird--I'd fallen out of writing chaptered work for so long, but there's something really comfortable about returning to that form. I like chapters, they have an ebb and flow to them when done correctly that I really love, so it's nice to get back into that.
After I finish typing up this entry, I'm going to update my fic index and let myself feel accomplished for a while. :D
In other news, although I shouldn't be doing this with my money, I now have subscriptions to Bam Box, Marvel Collector's Box, and DC Legion Collector's Box. /o\ The only one I've actually received so far is Bam Box, and I'm seriously so happy with the items in it. (I have a Batarang, guys. AN ACTUAL BATARANG.) The Marvel Box I only purchased because it seems to involve Civil War MCU specific stuff, but I guess we'll see when I actually get it. The DC Box I'm only purchasing because it's DC TV specific. So, you know, while there may be Gotham or Arrow items, there's also a chance it might have Supergirl, Flash, or Legends of Tomorrow merchandise in there too, and I...am a horrible fangirl who likes to own shit I don't need. JFC. Do any of you remember how much fandom merchandise I purchased for Kyo Kara Maoh? I have more self control now, but man. The thrill of fandom merchandise never fades for me.
The rest of my life and work has been rather placid and boring. I work, I come home, I write, I sleep. Today I was amused by a couple of things, the biggest being the fact that my Pizza Hut pizza box had Steve Rogers' face on it, so you know. Little pleasures.
Oh! There was one thing that made me really happy today. Okay, so I'm a Customer Experience Coordinator at TJ Maxx/Homegoods, and that is basically like the front end supervisor. I kind of hate it? But I think I'm getting better at it in the long run, although it's definitely not my favorite place to be. We've officially hired a new full time coordinator (but it's retail full time, not actual full time, so being full time at our store only means you're going to get 30+ hours per week.) As of right now, we have five coordinators— Full-time CEC A and H, part time CEC M, D, and me. I've been told pretty much flat out that the only reason I wasn't promoted to the full time position is because I'm also a part time cash office associate.
G, the woman who is the HR manager and also the main cash office associate, is going to reduce her hours. She's hoping to work only three days a week. I have hoped, although it's still not confirmed, that when she steps down as the main cash office associate, I'll be the one given those other four days. I've made it clear multiple times that the cash office is where I'm happiest, and it's certainly what I'm best at. A month or two ago, Manager B was like, don't tell anyone I told you this, but you're definitely being moved more completely into the cash office, and then today, I was commenting about the fact that we had five CECs (very unusual. I've been told we're supposed to have two full time and two part time, although we've been getting by with one full time and three part time CECs) and Manager V was like, well, we're losing you at the front, aren't we? You're going into the cash office? I still don't really know anything, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to get more hours in the CO which is THE BEST THING EVER. Minus the fact that I write best at three in the morning and if I'm in the CO I have to be at work at 7am. /o\
Anyway, because of all the movement and sideways promotions and actual promotions going on within the store, G trained one of our part time associates, Ms. S, in the CO, just in case one of the trained associates is unavailable. Today was the first day on her own in the CO, and every time she had a question, she called up to customer service, where I was today, and I was able to answer it for her. Now, she was scheduled until 1pm, so I was kind of surprised when around 2:30 she called up to the front and was basically like, Rachel, I need help, I literally don't know what I did wrong.
(She accidentally put extra money into one of the bags for tomorrow's register. It was a pretty quick fix.)
The point I'm trying to make, in this weird and long roundabout way, is that the entire time I was helping her, she kept apologizing over and over. She was sorry for wasting my time, she was sorry that she made this mistake, and she was worried that I would think she was this huge idiot for not immediately knowing how to do this job.
And so, as any like, good person would? I reassured her that everything was fine, and we'd get it figured out, and there was absolutely nothing she needed to apologize for, and also cheered her on because, dude, I was in the exact same place as her a year ago, you know? It's scary being the only one in the CO for the first time, especially when we're not supposed to leave the money without supervision and before you get good at it, you could spend a good four hours staring at the money before you get a break. She, of course, had been in there for 5 1/2 hours trying to get that done. She was tired and hungry and just. Dude.
And she took a deep breath and relaxed and then she said that I always made her feel better, and I was always so encouraging and kind, and that I made her feel less stressed out.
Now, normally, my self-esteem is pretty low, so any time someone compliments me, I'm like ACK NO TAKE THAT BACK WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT *flail everywhere* But today, I don't know. It made me sit back and review my behavior at work in general, and about the kind of life I try to lead, and I thought about all the times I've joked with my cashiers, or when one of them has come to me with questions or concerns, or even my cashier S, who has told me multiple times that when she sees that I'm in charge up front, she relaxes, because she knows she doesn't have to keep her eyes on things when I'm there, because I take my job seriously and run a tight ship. (haha, whatever that means—I'm constantly feeling like I'm bowled over and doing a terrible job.)
But for a moment, I thought. Holy shit. Am I the kind of person I've always wanted to be? Like, I was always really sensitive and nervous as a kid, and there were always so many adults who were just mean and horrible and abrasive around me. I remember wondering where the genuine people were, you know? Or if being an adult always meant you had to be nasty to each other. (I know better now, of course, but I had terrible, terrible adults around me when I was younger. Whew.)
And so, IDK. It's just nice, I guess. To think that other people see me as approachable, that maybe sometimes when I come in and take care of a situation, people see me as someone who can solve those kinds of problems without making other people feel less than. I don't know. I'm emotional and not entirely coherent, but still. It was nice to feel like that for a while.
Also, now writing a story that I suspect will be twice the length of BUOTI. This is ridiculous. I've fallen behind on my wordcount for April Camp NaNo, but I've gotten the first chapter of my Coldflash soulmate AU written, and I'm starting to unpack the second and third chapters. It's weird--I'd fallen out of writing chaptered work for so long, but there's something really comfortable about returning to that form. I like chapters, they have an ebb and flow to them when done correctly that I really love, so it's nice to get back into that.
After I finish typing up this entry, I'm going to update my fic index and let myself feel accomplished for a while. :D
In other news, although I shouldn't be doing this with my money, I now have subscriptions to Bam Box, Marvel Collector's Box, and DC Legion Collector's Box. /o\ The only one I've actually received so far is Bam Box, and I'm seriously so happy with the items in it. (I have a Batarang, guys. AN ACTUAL BATARANG.) The Marvel Box I only purchased because it seems to involve Civil War MCU specific stuff, but I guess we'll see when I actually get it. The DC Box I'm only purchasing because it's DC TV specific. So, you know, while there may be Gotham or Arrow items, there's also a chance it might have Supergirl, Flash, or Legends of Tomorrow merchandise in there too, and I...am a horrible fangirl who likes to own shit I don't need. JFC. Do any of you remember how much fandom merchandise I purchased for Kyo Kara Maoh? I have more self control now, but man. The thrill of fandom merchandise never fades for me.
The rest of my life and work has been rather placid and boring. I work, I come home, I write, I sleep. Today I was amused by a couple of things, the biggest being the fact that my Pizza Hut pizza box had Steve Rogers' face on it, so you know. Little pleasures.
Oh! There was one thing that made me really happy today. Okay, so I'm a Customer Experience Coordinator at TJ Maxx/Homegoods, and that is basically like the front end supervisor. I kind of hate it? But I think I'm getting better at it in the long run, although it's definitely not my favorite place to be. We've officially hired a new full time coordinator (but it's retail full time, not actual full time, so being full time at our store only means you're going to get 30+ hours per week.) As of right now, we have five coordinators— Full-time CEC A and H, part time CEC M, D, and me. I've been told pretty much flat out that the only reason I wasn't promoted to the full time position is because I'm also a part time cash office associate.
G, the woman who is the HR manager and also the main cash office associate, is going to reduce her hours. She's hoping to work only three days a week. I have hoped, although it's still not confirmed, that when she steps down as the main cash office associate, I'll be the one given those other four days. I've made it clear multiple times that the cash office is where I'm happiest, and it's certainly what I'm best at. A month or two ago, Manager B was like, don't tell anyone I told you this, but you're definitely being moved more completely into the cash office, and then today, I was commenting about the fact that we had five CECs (very unusual. I've been told we're supposed to have two full time and two part time, although we've been getting by with one full time and three part time CECs) and Manager V was like, well, we're losing you at the front, aren't we? You're going into the cash office? I still don't really know anything, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to get more hours in the CO which is THE BEST THING EVER. Minus the fact that I write best at three in the morning and if I'm in the CO I have to be at work at 7am. /o\
Anyway, because of all the movement and sideways promotions and actual promotions going on within the store, G trained one of our part time associates, Ms. S, in the CO, just in case one of the trained associates is unavailable. Today was the first day on her own in the CO, and every time she had a question, she called up to customer service, where I was today, and I was able to answer it for her. Now, she was scheduled until 1pm, so I was kind of surprised when around 2:30 she called up to the front and was basically like, Rachel, I need help, I literally don't know what I did wrong.
(She accidentally put extra money into one of the bags for tomorrow's register. It was a pretty quick fix.)
The point I'm trying to make, in this weird and long roundabout way, is that the entire time I was helping her, she kept apologizing over and over. She was sorry for wasting my time, she was sorry that she made this mistake, and she was worried that I would think she was this huge idiot for not immediately knowing how to do this job.
And so, as any like, good person would? I reassured her that everything was fine, and we'd get it figured out, and there was absolutely nothing she needed to apologize for, and also cheered her on because, dude, I was in the exact same place as her a year ago, you know? It's scary being the only one in the CO for the first time, especially when we're not supposed to leave the money without supervision and before you get good at it, you could spend a good four hours staring at the money before you get a break. She, of course, had been in there for 5 1/2 hours trying to get that done. She was tired and hungry and just. Dude.
And she took a deep breath and relaxed and then she said that I always made her feel better, and I was always so encouraging and kind, and that I made her feel less stressed out.
Now, normally, my self-esteem is pretty low, so any time someone compliments me, I'm like ACK NO TAKE THAT BACK WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT *flail everywhere* But today, I don't know. It made me sit back and review my behavior at work in general, and about the kind of life I try to lead, and I thought about all the times I've joked with my cashiers, or when one of them has come to me with questions or concerns, or even my cashier S, who has told me multiple times that when she sees that I'm in charge up front, she relaxes, because she knows she doesn't have to keep her eyes on things when I'm there, because I take my job seriously and run a tight ship. (haha, whatever that means—I'm constantly feeling like I'm bowled over and doing a terrible job.)
But for a moment, I thought. Holy shit. Am I the kind of person I've always wanted to be? Like, I was always really sensitive and nervous as a kid, and there were always so many adults who were just mean and horrible and abrasive around me. I remember wondering where the genuine people were, you know? Or if being an adult always meant you had to be nasty to each other. (I know better now, of course, but I had terrible, terrible adults around me when I was younger. Whew.)
And so, IDK. It's just nice, I guess. To think that other people see me as approachable, that maybe sometimes when I come in and take care of a situation, people see me as someone who can solve those kinds of problems without making other people feel less than. I don't know. I'm emotional and not entirely coherent, but still. It was nice to feel like that for a while.
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That is an awesome thought. *cheers*
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That must've been an awesome moment :)
Have you read the Vorkosigan series? It's my favorite Scifi series, and there's a moment in one of the books where the protagonist has a moment of revelation, where he all of a sudden realizes that he is who he chooses to be. I've always loved that moment, and your post reminded me of that. Because being an adult can be pretty stressful :) But it works better if you feel like you're who you want to be.
Your co-worker is lovely, too - it's a really nice compliment. Reminds me to be more vocal in appreciating others.
ETA: forgot to mention how thrilled I am to see that you have finished the first chapter of the soulmate AU \o/ \o/ \o/ *throws confetti*
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I have not read the Vorkosigan series! But I've heard a lot about it, and it's on my reading list. I've been writing so much I've forgotten what reading is. ^^; It's very rare for me to think anything about myself at all, negative or positive, but that really made me take a step back and evaluate myself. SUCH A WEIRD FEELING.
AND ALSO, now we're on my blog and I can talk about my fic however much I want without feeling like I'm cluttering up comments!! \o/ So. Like. THIS SOULMATE AU. I was like, oh, here's a good place to stop for chapter 1, so I was feeling super accomplished. And then I wrote two paragraphs for chapter 2 and was like...damn, those paragraphs should be expanded into chapters 2 and 3 at least, so... we're looking at 15k of Len!meta right off the bat? And I just want to headdesk everywhere.
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It's nice to be able to observe your own growth, though you've always been kind to me. I think that sometimes it takes the "right" person to say it in order for it to really sink in as being true.
Sorry I haven't been active here, PS.
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And there's just such a difference between doing your best to be kind and then actually seeing people acknowledge it, you know? Weird.