![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
To Regret and Ishuca, for showing me I'm not alone
Um...well, here's just a little ficlet. I hope it makes sense. *bites lip* And, of course, I hope you enjoy it. :)
Avada Kedavra.
No one understands what we have, do they? The constant twist and turn of hate, the breathless moments when the only thing we see is each other. The want and echo of something more. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to see it, to understand what it was, what it meant. But that idyllic innocence is over. Now I understand only too well.
Avada Kedavra.
You always followed me. Everywhere I turned, I could count on seeing your face, sneering in boredom, spying over a windowsill, lurking behind the corner of a corridor... laughing at my misfortune and rolling your eyes in icy disdain at my foolishness. I could count on you existing to torment only me. In a way, I was yours, and you were mine. I thought that you would follow me for eternity, into the darkest places of the world... I thought that you would follow me here, where Cedric left me.
But you didn't.
Am I here for you? Perhaps yes. Perhaps no.
"Avada Kedavra."
I didn't think I was going to be able to do it. Now you can come with me, just like you always have. Horrified gray eyes stare at the ground between us. Did I ever tell you that I was going to be Slytherin? I don't stop until I get what I want. Ever.
"No. No. NO!" You scream. You hold him close, tears--tears?--streaming down your cheeks. "FATHER!!! NO! PLEASE, NO!!!"
My wand drops from of numb fingers. Just seeing you there, clutching at him, with tears--
You were innocent.
I thought you were selfishness incarnate, a superior bastard who considered himself that much more above the rest of humanity. But... you were in a world of mirrors. Your every want and need was answered instantly, and you were confident in the knowledge that your life was perfect. That anything you couldn't do yourself, your father would take care of, and teach you. There was nothing you couldn't have--there was no one who told you 'no', or took anything away from you. Until me. And now its gone, I can see it in your eyes.
I can see it.
I wish I could say I'm sorry, Draco.
But I just didn't want to grow up alone.
Avada Kedavra.
No one understands what we have, do they? The constant twist and turn of hate, the breathless moments when the only thing we see is each other. The want and echo of something more. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to see it, to understand what it was, what it meant. But that idyllic innocence is over. Now I understand only too well.
Avada Kedavra.
You always followed me. Everywhere I turned, I could count on seeing your face, sneering in boredom, spying over a windowsill, lurking behind the corner of a corridor... laughing at my misfortune and rolling your eyes in icy disdain at my foolishness. I could count on you existing to torment only me. In a way, I was yours, and you were mine. I thought that you would follow me for eternity, into the darkest places of the world... I thought that you would follow me here, where Cedric left me.
But you didn't.
Am I here for you? Perhaps yes. Perhaps no.
"Avada Kedavra."
I didn't think I was going to be able to do it. Now you can come with me, just like you always have. Horrified gray eyes stare at the ground between us. Did I ever tell you that I was going to be Slytherin? I don't stop until I get what I want. Ever.
"No. No. NO!" You scream. You hold him close, tears--tears?--streaming down your cheeks. "FATHER!!! NO! PLEASE, NO!!!"
My wand drops from of numb fingers. Just seeing you there, clutching at him, with tears--
You were innocent.
I thought you were selfishness incarnate, a superior bastard who considered himself that much more above the rest of humanity. But... you were in a world of mirrors. Your every want and need was answered instantly, and you were confident in the knowledge that your life was perfect. That anything you couldn't do yourself, your father would take care of, and teach you. There was nothing you couldn't have--there was no one who told you 'no', or took anything away from you. Until me. And now its gone, I can see it in your eyes.
I can see it.
I wish I could say I'm sorry, Draco.
But I just didn't want to grow up alone.
no subject
Re:
no subject
Re:
no subject
Re:
no subject
but came back again with Harry Potter. There are people I know and have read who write stories of Star Trek using the same characters, even sending the stories to the executive stations and they've actually been used in some episodes.
Re:
no subject
oh, btw, i hate you.
i think you just like, killed something inside of me.
your take on draco, on his innocence, the twisted spy glass harry was useing to see the world, his desires, it was just, breath taking, lilting, flowing and more than a little frightening.
i enjoyed it emensely.
Re:
And yeah, Harry scared me in this one. At first, I thought it was Draco, and then I was like 'holy shit! *dies*' you know? :)
no subject
::loves::
no subject
yes. that was true. very true.
people, they don't think about the possible darkness in harry, what his childhood could have/probably/must have done to him. how scarred he is and how warped his perspective could become without anyone even realizing.
its very possible to do all of the 'right' tings for the 'wrong' reasons and never have anyone notice.
and the loneliness that harry felt, that he did this- to the only other person he could do it to, who he wanted to do it to. who it was acceptable to do it to.
in a few words, you shine onto harry's pain. it's breathtaking.
thank you,
~i
Re:
no subject
that's what happened in chapter 12, and why i was almost catatonic for days afterwards.
it sometimes makes me wonder... what they are, these characters. where they come from.
i mean, obviously from us. but then not. i don't believe that they are us, even distorted reflections of us. they are their own people that, somehow, after a point take on their own life and dictate their actions, beliefs, emotions. they don't ask to be taken in directions but instead walk off with us running after them.
and i wonder. is that artistic psychosis? channeling of the unconscious (jungian or the more personal)? what is it?
not that i can answer that. yay me for raising rhetorical (and narky) questions.
but yes, i can see how he scared you. the darkness, the light being found in the darkness of another, the sheer lack of regret for his actions.
this harry is scary, true. but powerful and so real you can almost touch him.
:hugs:
~i
Re:
As for the characters, I find myself running after my fan fiction characters much more often than my original characters. I think...(well, for me, anyway) that the reason they become something else, something more than they are in the published books is because they've been removed. I mean, I've read alot of het stories, and there have been very few that have maintained my interest in the actual characters, and their pain, in itself, the 'Draco Trilogy' perhaps being the one story I can remember off of the top of my head.
I think that's why I like slash so much. Well written slash. Homosexuality is something that isn't often addressed in mainstream fiction, and it allows for a side of a character, a vulnerability that didn't exist before, that adds to the realism of the character.
And the fact that the characters aren't YOUR personal characters forces you to work within the confines of the creation AND find a new way of expression, of making the character discover a side to themselves that didn't exist. (I think I'm starting to repeat?)
But, with fans, I guess I'm trying to say, the characters aren't forced onto any one path. Harry can let go of his dark side, and Draco can find something good inside of him--Ron doesn't just have to be a sidekick, and Hermione can show that she isn't just a brain, that she's got more inside of her. Fan fiction gives characters that freedom. Oh, this doesn't ma
no subject
Fan fiction gives characters that freedom. Oh, this doesn't ma
My comments aren't making sense to me. :) Anyway, I suppose I find it easy to let characters run amok, because I always consider them like they're real people. *laughs* I talk to them in my head and everything. And, like a real person, I believe that strong characters who take on a life beyond their books have a story to tell. They want to go on a journey to find out what they are.
Take, oh, say, Ginny, for example. In the series, she's the 'Weasley girl' who has a crush on Harry. That's it. But who knows if that's what the character wants, or if that's what the author wants? That's why I think she's also such a popular character to write. Everyone has an untouched depth within them. And I'm getting myself lost in all of this rhetoricalism. *laughs*
You know, I always believed that characters were really people, that maybe, somewhere, there's like... a fanastical dimension where everything is happening. And writers from here just sometimes tap into that dimension, where everything that we write is just an opportunity for them to exist here. *shakes head* I'm getting all maudlin now. :) Enough of my comments, right? *laughs*
*loves*
Your take on Harry's was quite unique. I don't think I've ever really read a fic that went into his personality and the possible darkness therein in so few words!
It was quite good and makes me want to go write something of my own.
*grins*
Me and my sleep deprived mind...that would be a scarry fic, yes?
*loves*
Wonderful.
You wouldn't happen to have more up your sleeve, would you?
*looks hopefully at sleeve*
*loves*
Cai
Re: *loves*
Yes, Cai! Go write something of your own!! *hugs* Even if it's scary! Scary is good! :)
And... *sly grins* I do believe I have another small thing in the works. I think it's kinda cute... and no, you can't read it before anyone else, because it's not written yet. :) *kisses*
no subject