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For Alanis
I promised you a story, didn't I? Well, here's the first part of it... it was originally supposed to be a one shot, but then I decided that the story works better as a series of vignettes. So, here's the first one, and I hope you enjoy. :) That goes for everyone else who'll read this, too!
Hallways
It always starts here. The cool gray stone of the walls warmed by sunlight and flames, the press of students hurrying from one place to the next, gossiping about what they're going to do in Hogsmeade, discussing which subjects they have to study, or which teachers hate them the most.
Or what new adventure Harry Potter has gotten himself into now.
Everything comes back to you in the end.
I think you left me frozen that day in the hallway, when you rejected me for Weasley. Not mentally or physically--my mouth and legs move automatically without any prompting from my brain; my heart still beats, although at times I wish it didn’t. It’s something intangible, a brand that forces me to orbit around you as if you are the sun to my moon. I am left on the outskirts of your life, circling desperately for a way into that intimate circle of warmth you have created for everyone but me. I’m always on the outside, looking in.
You made me your enemy.
All I wanted to be was your friend.
And now…
And now…
I just want my brain to stop.
I don’t want to imagine how you might taste, how you would feel beneath my fingertips.
I don’t want to fantasize about how your mouth would feel on my skin.
I wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I wish I could find a moment of pure darkness, when I simply don’t exist.
Because if I don’t exist, then I won't dream of you.
And then, maybe, I could finally find peace.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It's not my best work, but hey, I think it's decent, especially since I'm pulling another all-nighter. *winks*
Hallways
It always starts here. The cool gray stone of the walls warmed by sunlight and flames, the press of students hurrying from one place to the next, gossiping about what they're going to do in Hogsmeade, discussing which subjects they have to study, or which teachers hate them the most.
Or what new adventure Harry Potter has gotten himself into now.
Everything comes back to you in the end.
I think you left me frozen that day in the hallway, when you rejected me for Weasley. Not mentally or physically--my mouth and legs move automatically without any prompting from my brain; my heart still beats, although at times I wish it didn’t. It’s something intangible, a brand that forces me to orbit around you as if you are the sun to my moon. I am left on the outskirts of your life, circling desperately for a way into that intimate circle of warmth you have created for everyone but me. I’m always on the outside, looking in.
You made me your enemy.
All I wanted to be was your friend.
And now…
And now…
I just want my brain to stop.
I don’t want to imagine how you might taste, how you would feel beneath my fingertips.
I don’t want to fantasize about how your mouth would feel on my skin.
I wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I wish I could find a moment of pure darkness, when I simply don’t exist.
Because if I don’t exist, then I won't dream of you.
And then, maybe, I could finally find peace.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It's not my best work, but hey, I think it's decent, especially since I'm pulling another all-nighter. *winks*
no subject
i love you, and erm, i dunno if you've sent VPR4 or not, but send away...
expect 'hallways' sometime tomorrow, early tomorrow, is that okay?
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