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Entry tags:
SPN: The Narrow Way part 4 of ?
Rating: NC-17, for sex
Warnings for this chapter: Unrequited incest. Sam's blood habit.
Chapter summary: When Dean came back, it was already light, and Sam had not moved from his spot at the table once since his shower.
Additional story notes and disclaimers are in the first chapter.
Chapter Four: Communication Breakdown
It took Sam and Dean about three hours to get to the Grand Canyon with the rest of the tourist traffic. Sam spent the first hour raging internally at the bad, bad drivers making what should have been an hour trip out of their way double that, and aggravating to boot, and the other two sleeping fitfully in the passenger seat, occasionally cracking an eye open to see how much they'd moved.
Dean seemed to be in a disgustingly good mood, singing along with his cassette tapes, fidgeting restlessly in his seat (or maybe dancing a little, Sam was never quite sure), jibing good-naturedly at the bad drivers in front of him, or cursing the occasional lunatic that cut
in front of the Impala without a turn signal.
"You better watch it, you Toyota," Dean said under his breath as a small car darted in front of him, a bare inch left between their bumpers. "My girl will take your ass down."
Sam definitely didn't find that endearing.
Eventually, they made it out of the insane traffic into a little tourist center with directions for the Grand Canyon, and Dean spent a stupid amount of time dithering over whether he wanted to actually take a tour or do a hike himself. Sam let Dean talk, heard his voice as a kind of comforting white noise in the background until he heard Dean ask if he wanted to do the donkey ride. At that, he just couldn't keep a straight face.
"Dude, did you seriously just ask me if I wanted to ride a donkey?" Sam pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh.
"I—what are you—" Dean blustered, and then looked away, the tips of his ears flushing pink. "Shut up."
Sam let his smile creep up his face. "I'm just saying, I'd pity the donkey that had to carry me."
"I said shut up, okay?" Dean scowled and turned back to the brochures.
"Why don't we grab a couple of bottles of water, some sandwiches, and just hike around?" Sam asked sympathetically. "It'll just be you, me, and the giant hole in the ground." Dean looked at him, eyes narrowed as though he was expecting Sam to mock him over his Grand Canyon fixation again, but Sam was completely serious and let it show on his face. "You're right, you know," Sam continued. "We've been from the west coast to the east coast and everywhere in between, but we've never seen this or Mount Rushmore or the cherry blossoms in Washington or even the biggest ball of twine in the world—"
"Do you want to see that?" Dean asked, his face full of morbid curiosity.
"That's not the point," Sam said, frowning at Dean on principle. "I'm just saying that I'm completely behind this. One hundred percent. Let's just get lunch and go."
"Yeah," Dean agreed, and his smile was infectious. "Let's do that."
They went to the café next to the little tourist place and got some sandwiches to go, along with some water for Sam and a couple of cans of soda for Dean. While Dean was paying, Sam's phone rang in his pocket, and he flipped it open without looking, bringing it to his ear. "Sam Winchester," he said.
"Can you come out to play tonight, Sam?" Ruby asked playfully.
Instinctively, Sam turned away from Dean a little, hunching his shoulders. "I can't talk right now."
"Just give me a yes or no," Ruby said, her voice going tight and irritated. "Dean's not smart enough to figure out that it's me from that."
Sam glanced back at Dean, who had apparently conned the cashier into letting him get some potato chips. Dean shot Sam a smile when he noticed him looking, and something clenched in Sam's chest, hot and painful.
"Yeah," Sam said, smiling back at Dean. "I'll be there. I'm at—"
"I know where you're at," Ruby said, the amusement back in her voice. "And you two are so sweet I'm getting sick from the sugar overload. I'll text you when I'm there, all right? Just so that Dean doesn't have anything to worry about."
"Stop that," Sam said shortly. "I'll see you tonight." He hung up just as Dean sauntered back over to him, concern radiating from him like an aura.
"Who was that?" Dean asked, and then continued nonchalantly, "Do we have a hunt?"
Sam looked at Dean and saw it clearly, all written in his brother's body language. Dean wanted to do this, wanted to hike and be an idiot and have a picnic by the river at the bottom, but if Sam said a single word about a hunt needing their attention, he would drop everything, put their sandwiches in the back seat of the Impala, and high tail it out of there.
"No," Sam said, a little more forcefully than he meant to. "There's nothing you need to worry about at all. Other than keeping up with me."
Dean scoffed, exactly as Sam had meant him to. "The day I can't keep up with you is the day I turn in my hunter's badge.”
"Dean, there isn't a hunter's badge," Sam said, heading back out toward the Impala to do a last cursory check to make sure they didn't need anything.
"Exactly." Dean sounded smug, even as he looked out toward the horizon, bright and blue and endless.
They hiked all afternoon, Dean looking like an excited kid over a bunch of rocks, Sam feeling indulgent and a little awed himself. They got back to the Impala as the sun was beginning to set, so Dean had to go to the panorama view at the South Rim for one last look. They stood there together at the little metal boundary that divided the outlook with a few of the other remaining tourists.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dean whispered, staring out over the miles of canyon, still and stately in the darkening light. The canyon was dyed with shades of red and orange, shadows gathering as though the canyon was preparing to pull the curtains across the stage as soon as the sun was down completely.
"Yeah," Sam said, watching Dean watch the world. "It is."
~*~
It was almost midnight by the time Ruby texted Sam, another poke from her on how short of a leash Dean supposedly had him on, and Sam took a look at his brother while he was waiting for her to pick him up again. Dean was deep asleep, face mashed against his pillow, tired from the long day of hiking.
Sam heard a car pull up on the gravel outside and roughly ran a hand through his hair, picking up his keycard for the hotel and letting himself out. He went out to Ruby's car and sat in the passenger seat, giving her a nod of greeting.
As they drove off, Ruby glanced over at him from the corner of her eye, a smile creasing her lips. "It's been a while, Sam."
"Yeah," Sam agreed, "it has."
"How's the hunting business been going for you?"
"Do you really want to do the small talk thing, Ruby?" Sam let his head loll back against the headrest.
"Yeah, sure. Why not? I live for small talk," Ruby said, her smile slowly becoming little more than a grimace of bared teeth. "We've been working together for months, now, and you still think me asking about your day is weird?"
"Was that what you were doing?" Sam asked. "Because what it sounded like to me was that you were asking about hunting so that you could lead in to poking at me about Dean again."
"Okay, I'll admit it." Ruby coaxed her car around a turn. "I'm curious. You're a different person when Dean isn't around. It's really something. Does his opinion mean so much to you?"
"You know it does," Sam said, low and taut.
"Then let me repeat myself. Tell him about what we do, Sam. Don't let him find out some other way."
"I don't need you to tell me how to handle my own brother, okay?" Sam said, shifting restlessly in his seat.
"Obviously you need somebody to do it!" Ruby insisted. "You're helping people by doing this. He'll understand."
"No, he won't, okay?" Sam exploded. "Stop the car, Ruby."
"Sam—"
"Stop the car!"
Ruby pulled into the parking lot of a hospital and threw the gear into park, crossing her arms over her chest so roughly it looked like it hurt. "There! We're here anyway!"
Sam got out of the car, slamming the door, and Ruby followed a second later. "He won't understand why I'm doing this," Sam said raggedly, turning on her. "He won't see that I'm saving lives or stopping demons. He'll just see that I'm using my powers that Azazel gave me after he begged me not to."
"Sam," Ruby said, clasping his hand in hers and staring up into his face. "That's why you have to be the one to tell him. Tell him what it was like to be here without you. He knows. He's felt it himself. Tell him about the people you saved—"
"I can't," Sam said, pulling away from her. "I can't stand thinking about how he'll look at me." Sam inhaled one breath and then two, trying to calm himself. "Dean can't know, Ruby. That's it." Ruby opened her mouth to say something else, her eyes shadowed, and Sam shook his head. "Let's just hunt."
Ruby shook her head and turned away from him. "Fine. Whatever. The demon's in the hospital. I thought it'd be convenient if the emergency room was already there when you got him clean."
"Good thinking," Sam said tersely, following Ruby without complaint. They made their way through the hospital entrance, Ruby distracting the attendants on duty as Sam snagged a look at the duty roster. He made sure to take a separate elevator from her, just to make sure that no one would think to place him and Ruby together. She was just coming to the top of the stairs when the elevator doors slid open and let him out. "Okay," Sam said as she came to his side, "Where is it?"
Ruby gave him an annoyed look, crossing her arms over her chest. "You should be able to sense him this close. Try it."
Sam narrowed his eyes at Ruby and then obediently closed his eyes, stretching his hand out in front of him and concentrating on the oily feeling demons always left in the places they inhabited. There was Ruby next to him, of course, but he stretched his mind farther, darting into rooms and gliding, pushing his power into the air vents. His psychic sense bounced into something slick and nasty, and Sam opened his eyes, dropping his hand. The sudden transition into his physical senses made him a little nauseated, and he swayed in place for a second as he got his bearings.
"Are you okay?" Ruby asked, cupping his elbow to give him a little support.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just give me a second."
"Sure," Ruby said. "Did you find him?"
"Yeah, I think I did." Sam pointed down the hall to a closet near the other stairs. "He's somewhere around there. Either in a janitor, or-or a doctor. Someone that works here."
"You're almost able to tell what body he's in?" Ruby sounded pleased. "That's great. Really great." She squeezed his elbow in approval and walked slowly down the hall, both as a precautionary measure and also to give Sam enough time to catch up with her.
A doctor walked out of a room about three doors away from the stairs, dusting his hands off. He glanced up, took one look at them, and broke into a run.
"Sam!" Ruby shouted, but Sam was already there, shaking off his weakness and loping forward, stretching his hand out as he ran. The demon stumbled when Sam's powers caught him, tripping him in place so that he slammed up against the wall. The demon whirled around to face Sam, planting his hands against the wall and readying a smirk.
"Save it," Sam said, coming to a stop in front of the demon. "Whatever you want to bitch at me about, don't waste your breath. I couldn't care less. Have fun in hell." The demon opened his mouth, maybe to snark back anyway or maybe to smoke his ass out of the body, but Sam pressed his power forward before the demon could do anything, pulling him out of the host with an ease that surprised him. The last one hadn't caused Sam any headaches or nosebleeds, but it had still been a little difficult to maintain his concentration. This time, the demon slid out of the vessel like water dripping from a faucet — slow at first, but quick to gain momentum, until it swirled at their feet and prickled into embers.
The doctor fell forward, but Sam was quick enough to stop the fall and pressed his fingers to the doctor's throat, checking for a pulse. It was there, strong and steady; the demon must not have had him for very long. All the same, Sam felt the thrill of victory and the rush of adrenaline that always came over him after he successfully used his power, and he turned to grin at Ruby, forgetting about their earlier argument. Ruby returned his smile, fierce and feral and full of hunger.
She vanished into one of the rooms and came back out with a stretcher, tugging it against the wall. Sam flopped the doctor onto it, taking care not to give him any additional bruises, and followed Ruby as she went back down the stairs. They snuck past the nurses and the receptionist, laughing together like two children and made it out to the car without anyone else in that hospital being the wiser.
Sam let his laughter ring out a little, allowing himself that bit of freedom now that they were safely out of the hospital, and leaned his elbows against the car, looking to Ruby to share some of his excitement; Ruby smiled and snaked closer, snagging his belt loops with her fingers as she raised on her tiptoes to kiss him.
Sam pressed into her, following the guidance of her hands, and then pulled away. "No, Ruby."
"What?" Ruby asked, settling back down onto her heels. "What you did, how easy it was—it was hot." She abandoned his belt loops to slide her hands under his shirt, stroking at the skin of his sides. "And I've missed you."
Sam brought his hands down to capture Ruby's wrists, tugging her hands out of his shirt. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
"What?" Ruby asked, disbelieving. "But, I thought you—"
"I did," Sam admitted. "And it was okay, then. But not okay now. Dean is. Dean would—"
"Dean, Dean, Dean," Ruby repeated; each time she said the name she got angrier and angrier until she yanked her hands out of Sam's grip. "Dean isn't here, Sam! What is this? I was okay for a fling when your brother was dead, but now that he's back, all of a sudden you have to be a good boy?" Ruby took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're not just the little brother anymore, Sam! You can do what you want!"
"Oh, that's just great," Sam said. "This coming from the demon who wants to tell my brother what we've been doing?"
"What, I've suddenly become the demon again?" Ruby asked hotly, uncrossing her arms and putting one hand on her hip. "And don't you twist my words, Sam. I said that he needs to know about your powers, but it's not anybody's business what we do on our own time, not even Dean's." Ruby's eyes darkened. "Unless—"
"Unless what?" Sam asked, hating himself for asking.
She cocked her head to the side, looking at him unblinkingly. "Oh, Sam," Ruby said, her tone silky. It made Sam's pulse race. "I know I was joking about it before, but maybe there was some truth in it after all?"
"I don't know what you mean," Sam said stiffly as Ruby swayed closer.
"Maybe you and your brother did have that kind of relationship," Ruby breathed, brushing her lips against Sam's collar. "Is that what this is really all about? I was the whore you played with while your brother was away?" Ruby danced her fingers along the edge of Sam's jeans, and Sam shuddered, his breath coming a little faster. "Maybe you're not being a good boy at all."
"Ruby—" Sam began, but Ruby raised a hand to his mouth, silencing him. Ruby trailed her fingers from his lips, across his cheek, leaving little prickles of sensation in her wake.
"Or maybe," Ruby purred contemplatively, "this is another one of your secrets. Does Dean know this, Sam? That you want him to do this?" Ruby pressed Sam against the car, slow and sensuous, and Sam swallowed painfully, face flushing.
"I don't—" Sam began to say, but Ruby just tilted her head, her eyes heated and piercing.
"You don't need to lie to me. Close your eyes, Sam. We can play pretend."
"Ruby, seriously—"
"What do you want him to do, Sammy? Do you want him to press you up against the Impala, like this? Out in public, where anyone can see how bad you're being? I'd bet he'd blow you, you know. He's got the mouth for it." Ruby dropped to her knees, fingers working at his belt slowly.
Sam clenched his eyes shut and turned his face away, embarrassment and arousal curling in his gut. Was he really so obvious about his feelings for Dean that Ruby could pick it out only weeks after he'd discovered it himself? And god help him, he couldn't help participating in Ruby's disgusting game, couldn't help but imagine kissing Dean until his lips were swollen, the way he would smell, like leather and gunpowder, the prickle of his hair against Sam's palm. Sam curled his hand into a fist, his palm tingling with sense memory, and Ruby unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down with agonizing slowness. Sam wanted to put his hand on Ruby's head, to guide her, but he was torn between wanting the fantasy of Dean and wanting to disrupt it, so his hand remained still, hovering in the air over her.
He gritted his teeth against the arousal in him, but then Ruby's hands clamped on his hips, holding him still with a strength that he sometimes forgot she had, and he made a small, desperate sound, inhaling sharply. Ruby laughed, a small, husky sound, and gave him one long, teasing lick, from the root to the tip of his erection.
"Oh, Sammy, you want it so bad," Ruby crooned, and Sam felt her thumb at his slit, her skin going from rough to slick with his pre-come.
"Don't—nnn—call me Sammy," Sam gasped out and reached back for the hood of the car, just to have something to support him.
Ruby wrapped her lips around the crown of his dick and sucked, little zings of pleasure shooting up his spine. He tried to hold still, to allow Ruby to suck at him tentatively, playing at uncertainty, but his hips had other ideas, and he thrust, knowing Ruby could take it. She allowed him, her mouth widening as she inhaled more of him down. It was hot and wet, Ruby's suction perfect and aching in his balls, but then she pulled back, slapping his thigh playfully.
"Do you really think Dean would be experienced enough at cock sucking to do that, Sam? You're not playing by the rules," Ruby said, and Sam had to take a moment to breathe, the thought of Dean being inexperienced at anything regarding sex causing his dick to twitch with excitement.
There was a slick sound, and Sam cracked his eyes open enough to watch Ruby lick her palm and then wrap it around the base of his erection, licking at the head as if it were a lollipop. She stared up at him brazenly, her eyes glittering with something he couldn't identify. Sam dropped his hands to her hair, dragging her up, and Ruby came willingly, mouth damp and shiny, tilting her head to be kissed. Sam didn't disappoint her, leaning down to suck at her bottom lip as he fumbled behind him with his other hand, reaching for the door handle that had been pressing into his spine.
He got the door open and scooped Ruby up against him, his arousal pressing into her stomach, and Ruby made an animalistic sound, biting at his mouth and rubbing against him, one hand going to Sam's hair, the other to palm his erection again. Sam gently pushed Ruby back into the back seat of her car, and followed after her, drawing his hands up her sides and pushing her shirt out of the way. He licked at her navel, sank his teeth just above the line of her jeans, and Ruby moaned under him, squirming in the small space.
Sam took a second to close the door behind him as Ruby wiggled out of her shirt, and then they were pressed back together, heat rising between them. Ruby wrapped her arms around Sam's head, fingers scratching through his hair, and he bent down to suck at her nipple through the white cotton bra she was wearing, groaning as it hardened against his tongue. He bit at the flesh there, brought his hand up to cup her other breast and squeeze, and Ruby moaned, throwing her head against the seat and sinking her nails into his back. She squirmed enough to get the room to let her thighs fall open, and he slid into the juncture of her legs, the denim of her jeans chafing against him.
Sam fumbled at the fastener of Ruby's jeans, biting at her shoulder and sucking on her collarbone as he unzipped the fly. Ruby shoved at his shoulders, and they wriggled until
Sam was on his back, Ruby over him as she shimmied out of her jeans and underwear. Sam moved his hand between her legs to stroke against her clitoris as she clambered over him again, and Ruby moaned appreciatively, rocking her hips against him as she bent down for a kiss. Sam returned it messily, licking against her teeth and darting his tongue in her mouth to twist against hers, and Ruby separated their mouths with a wet, dirty sound, leaning over to press her lips to his ear instead.
"You wish I was him, don't you?" Ruby continued relentlessly, and Sam made a pained sound, turning his head away as he brought his slick palm from the apex of her thighs to the swell of her hip, rocking her downward against his aching flesh. "You want him to let you in like this. Just like this," Ruby breathed, and she stretched toward the front seat to grab a condom from the glove box and rip it open, sliding it over Sam with practiced hands.
"Ruby—" Sam lost whatever his next words were going to be as she sank down on him, hot and clenching, one smooth slide until he was balls deep in her cunt; she began to move, short, punishing, delicious thrusts against him.
"It wouldn't be as easy as this," Ruby moaned, twisting her hips in a way that made Sam clutch at her and shake. "He would fight you every step of the way, even if he wanted it too. But—oh—he'd feel so good. It'd be worth it. He'd be so—so&mdash Sam—" She tore at her collarbone with her long nails, blood beading up in a thin line.
Ruby trembled around him as she climaxed, and Sam thrust, followed her into it, every muscle clenched taut with pleasure. Sam clasped her tight to him, hands in her hair, cradling her skull roughly, and sucked at her blood, hungry for it as he sobbed into her shoulder, thinking Dean, Dean, Dean.
~*~
Ruby dropped Sam off in front of the hotel room, and Sam sighed. Hopefully, Dean would be asleep, because Sam smelled like sex, and all he wanted to do was get a shower and collapse into bed. He slid his key card into the lock and opened the door, immediately realizing that he wasn't going to be as lucky as to get off that easily as soon as he looked inside.
Dean was sitting on the end of his bed, staring into the air in front of him. His jaw clenched when Sam stepped into the room, but that was the only movement.
Sam closed the door behind him; it felt like he was caging himself in with an angry animal. "Hey, Dean," he said and winced at how fake his voice sounded, too hearty and loud in the quiet.
"Where were you, Sam?" Dean asked quietly.
Sam decided to fake ignorance and made his way over to the bathroom. "What do you mean, where was I? I went to get some—"
"Don't lie to me," Dean interrupted, his voice cold and tense.
Sam took a breath, swallowed what he'd been about to say. This was bad. "What makes you think I was lying to you?" Sam asked, turning away from the bathroom to look more closely at Dean.
"I got a visit from a little bird tonight," Dean said, apropos of nothing.
"A little … " Sam began and then went silent, his stomach sinking. "Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh'," Dean said, a mirthless smile twisting his mouth. "He said 'your brother is heading down a dark path.' He said 'stop him.' Care to tell me what he was talking about?"
"Why didn't your angel give you all the details, then? Why ask me?" Sam defensively crossed his arms over his chest.
"Funny, wise guy. That's a real gut buster." Dean shook his head and stood, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I asked him, but he just said that I should talk to you. So, I'm talking."
"Dean." Sam took a step forward, reaching out for Dean. "Please. Can we talk about this in the morning?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not? Don't let me disturb your beauty sleep." Dean took a step back and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Sam asked, his voice plaintive and small.
"Out." The door slammed shut behind him.
Sam stared toward the door, and it was only then that he noticed his hand was raised as though he could pull Dean back with just the power of his mind. He heard the Impala start up and pull out, and he dropped his hand, leaning back against the doorframe with exhaustion. After a minute, he went into the bathroom and closed the door, shucking off his clothes and getting into the shower. He washed himself thoroughly, numb and feeling detached, and then stood in the fall of water, arms braced against the wall.
Sam reared back and punched the wall in front of him; he winced as he felt the skin over his knuckles split and new that he'd pay for it later, but adrenaline took the pain away. What was more important was that it felt good, so he did it again, watching as his blood dripped down his fist and vanished down the shower drain.
After that, Sam rested his head against the wall he'd just punched, and tried to figure out what he could say to Dean to make this better. He couldn't think of anything, and eventually the water pounding into him went cold. He got out of the shower, dried his hair and wrapped a towel around his hips before opening the door of the bathroom.
Sam got dressed and tidied up his little mess, folding the towels out of habit, and then he went to the table by the window to sit and wait for Dean to come back. His hand ached, even after he'd bandaged it and taken some aspirin for the pain.
When Dean came back, it was already light, and Sam had not moved from his spot at the table once since his shower.
"Where were you, Dean?" Sam asked softly.
"Oh, so you don't like it so much when you're on the receiving end, do you?" Dean scoffed and shoved the car keys into his pocket.
Sam sighed and shook his head. "I never left when you were awake."
Dean crossed his arms. "But you admit that you left."
"Yes," Sam agreed. "I did."
Dean waited silently for a moment and then arched an eyebrow at Sam. "Is this going to be like pulling a tooth? Do I have to keep asking you?"
Sam flushed and stood, feeling more comfortable now that Dean had to look up in order to give him the angry stare. "I was … hunting."
"Hunting," Dean said flatly.
"Yeah. Hunting demons. With Ruby." Sam cleared his throat.
"Oh! Well, that explains it all! Everything's peachy!" Dean said, and Sam thought that maybe he could inject more sarcasm into his words if he tried really hard. "Hunting with Ruby, Sam? Didn't you tell me that she was gone when I asked about her? What's so important that you had to lie about it to me?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm hanging out with a demon might stop me from telling you," Sam spat. "And don't even act like you've never lied to me about anything!"
"Is that all?" Dean asked suddenly, his hands curling into fists at his sides. He looked at Sam, and Sam could see the desperation written all over his face. "Is that what Castiel was talking about? You're just … buddies with the demon bitch?"
"I … " Sam sighed, his own self-righteousness deflating, and sank back into his chair, running a hand through his rumpled hair. Ruby had been right. He should have told Dean everything a long time ago. "No, that's not all. Sit down, Dean. Please."
Dean took a deep breath, obviously steeling himself, and walked over to Sam, pulling the other chair out from the table and pointedly sitting in it. "Okay," Dean said quietly.
"I've been hunting demons with Ruby," Sam repeated and took a small breath, already tensing up at the idea of Dean's reaction to the next part. "She's been teaching me how to use my powers."
"How to use your … " Dean trailed off, going very still.
Sam gestured at himself, plowing forward now that there was no going back. "I can use my, you know, my mind. To exorcise them." Dean tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling, and Sam slunk down into his chair, absolutely unwilling to tell Dean about the other stuff. He was pretty sure Castiel wouldn't care about his sex life anyway. "But that's everything, Dean. I promise."
Dean shook his head at that, laughing bitterly. "I'm sure." Dean got up from his seat and stood there, looking a little lost. Then his expression firmed up into something approaching certainty and he went over to the closet and started to pull his clothes out.
"Dean," Sam said nervously, hating that quaver in his voice, and Dean whirled around, stalking into Sam's space and swinging a fist that connected solidly with Sam's jaw.
"Ow!" Sam brought a hand up to his face, cradling his jaw in his palm for a moment. "Okay, I deserved that. Are you finished?"
Dean stopped for a second, as though to consider, and punched Sam again, splitting his lip painfully.
"I guess not," Sam said, stubbornly keeping his eyes on Dean. "Dean—"
The third punch made him bite his tongue hard, and Sam surged to his feet, angry and in pain. "Will you quit hitting me?" he yelled.
Dean paused again, and Sam waited tensely, ready to bring an arm up to block just in case Dean felt particularly bloodthirsty. "I'm good," Dean decided and grabbed some ice from the freezer to toss at Sam before he went back to the closet.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, holding the ice gingerly to his face.
"Well," Dean said slowly, as he set his first batch of clothing on the bed and then went over to the drawers, just to make sure he didn't have anything in there, "It seems like you're doing a stand up job on your own. There's no need for me to be here. Not with a demon watching your back."
"Dean, no," Sam said, taking a step forward. "Don't, please—"
"What do you expect me to do, Sam?" Dean whirled on him again, eyes pained and so very green, and Sam hated himself, hated how he wanted to burrow against him and kiss his brother until all of Dean's objections went away. "You're using your psychic mojo and hanging out with a demon and lying to me about it. I can't even begin to tell you what's wrong with that!”
"Dean!" Sam pleaded, dropping the ice that he was holding onto the floor, frantic to make him understand, "I'm saving people! I'm only using it for the exorcisms, I promise!"
"You're exorcising demons with your mind!" Dean shouted at him from across the bed. "Do you even know how far you've gone, how far from human that is?"
"It's worth it, Dean! I've saved more people in the last five months than we did in a whole year!"
"If this is so good, then why did you lie to me about it? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?" Dean looked around, as though he wanted to hit something again and stalked up to Sam, grasping the lapels of his shirt in his hands and yanking him close. "If I didn't know you, Sammy?" Dean breathed, voice low, "I'd want to hunt you. And other hunters would too."
Dean let Sam's shirt go, and Sam inhaled wetly, eyes prickling with heat as he stared at his brother. His phone rang, breaking the tense, brittle silence, and he brought a hand up to his forehead as he answered it. "Hello?" Dean turned away toward the little kitchen cubby, scrubbing at the back of his head with his hand.
"Is this the way you treat all your friends, boy?" Missouri's brash Southern accent cut through the line, and Sam winced, smiling just a little. "Now, just 'cause your daddy died doesn't mean that you should be a stranger, you got that?"
"Hey, Missouri," Sam said weakly. "Sorry that I haven't talked to you. Um. This really isn't a good time—"
"Balderdash!" Missouri interrupted him. "You listen here and you listen good, Sam Winchester. This is what you're going to do. You're going to get into that old gas guzzler of yours and you're going to high tail it over to my place, you got that? And bring that fool brother of yours. I have gutters that need cleaning."
"Missouri—" Sam tried again, but she cut through his words as though they didn't even exist.
"Don't you sass me! Get a move on, now!" The line went dead, and Sam was left feeling like he'd just been bowled over by a Mack truck. And with as hard as Dean's fist was, he'd probably be looking like it in a couple of hours.
Sam sighed. Dean turned to look at the clothing that he'd gathered as though he wasn't quite sure what to do with them anymore.
"How do you feel about a road trip to Kansas?" Sam asked softly, offering the words as an almost apology that he was sure Dean would hear and understand, even if he ignored them.
"I can't let you face Missouri on your own," Dean said eventually and continued to pack his duffle bag. "Even though I should. She likes you better, anyway."
"I think she likes you better," Sam said and pulled out his bag as well. "That's why she lets you near her gutters."
And if the atmosphere between them was still tense and awkward, Sam wasn't going to complain. Maybe going to see Missouri would give Dean some time to cool down and think about the benefits his powers might bring them.
That was probably wishful thinking, though, and Sam knew it.
previous / next
Warnings for this chapter: Unrequited incest. Sam's blood habit.
Chapter summary: When Dean came back, it was already light, and Sam had not moved from his spot at the table once since his shower.
Additional story notes and disclaimers are in the first chapter.
Chapter Four: Communication Breakdown
It took Sam and Dean about three hours to get to the Grand Canyon with the rest of the tourist traffic. Sam spent the first hour raging internally at the bad, bad drivers making what should have been an hour trip out of their way double that, and aggravating to boot, and the other two sleeping fitfully in the passenger seat, occasionally cracking an eye open to see how much they'd moved.
Dean seemed to be in a disgustingly good mood, singing along with his cassette tapes, fidgeting restlessly in his seat (or maybe dancing a little, Sam was never quite sure), jibing good-naturedly at the bad drivers in front of him, or cursing the occasional lunatic that cut
in front of the Impala without a turn signal.
"You better watch it, you Toyota," Dean said under his breath as a small car darted in front of him, a bare inch left between their bumpers. "My girl will take your ass down."
Sam definitely didn't find that endearing.
Eventually, they made it out of the insane traffic into a little tourist center with directions for the Grand Canyon, and Dean spent a stupid amount of time dithering over whether he wanted to actually take a tour or do a hike himself. Sam let Dean talk, heard his voice as a kind of comforting white noise in the background until he heard Dean ask if he wanted to do the donkey ride. At that, he just couldn't keep a straight face.
"Dude, did you seriously just ask me if I wanted to ride a donkey?" Sam pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh.
"I—what are you—" Dean blustered, and then looked away, the tips of his ears flushing pink. "Shut up."
Sam let his smile creep up his face. "I'm just saying, I'd pity the donkey that had to carry me."
"I said shut up, okay?" Dean scowled and turned back to the brochures.
"Why don't we grab a couple of bottles of water, some sandwiches, and just hike around?" Sam asked sympathetically. "It'll just be you, me, and the giant hole in the ground." Dean looked at him, eyes narrowed as though he was expecting Sam to mock him over his Grand Canyon fixation again, but Sam was completely serious and let it show on his face. "You're right, you know," Sam continued. "We've been from the west coast to the east coast and everywhere in between, but we've never seen this or Mount Rushmore or the cherry blossoms in Washington or even the biggest ball of twine in the world—"
"Do you want to see that?" Dean asked, his face full of morbid curiosity.
"That's not the point," Sam said, frowning at Dean on principle. "I'm just saying that I'm completely behind this. One hundred percent. Let's just get lunch and go."
"Yeah," Dean agreed, and his smile was infectious. "Let's do that."
They went to the café next to the little tourist place and got some sandwiches to go, along with some water for Sam and a couple of cans of soda for Dean. While Dean was paying, Sam's phone rang in his pocket, and he flipped it open without looking, bringing it to his ear. "Sam Winchester," he said.
"Can you come out to play tonight, Sam?" Ruby asked playfully.
Instinctively, Sam turned away from Dean a little, hunching his shoulders. "I can't talk right now."
"Just give me a yes or no," Ruby said, her voice going tight and irritated. "Dean's not smart enough to figure out that it's me from that."
Sam glanced back at Dean, who had apparently conned the cashier into letting him get some potato chips. Dean shot Sam a smile when he noticed him looking, and something clenched in Sam's chest, hot and painful.
"Yeah," Sam said, smiling back at Dean. "I'll be there. I'm at—"
"I know where you're at," Ruby said, the amusement back in her voice. "And you two are so sweet I'm getting sick from the sugar overload. I'll text you when I'm there, all right? Just so that Dean doesn't have anything to worry about."
"Stop that," Sam said shortly. "I'll see you tonight." He hung up just as Dean sauntered back over to him, concern radiating from him like an aura.
"Who was that?" Dean asked, and then continued nonchalantly, "Do we have a hunt?"
Sam looked at Dean and saw it clearly, all written in his brother's body language. Dean wanted to do this, wanted to hike and be an idiot and have a picnic by the river at the bottom, but if Sam said a single word about a hunt needing their attention, he would drop everything, put their sandwiches in the back seat of the Impala, and high tail it out of there.
"No," Sam said, a little more forcefully than he meant to. "There's nothing you need to worry about at all. Other than keeping up with me."
Dean scoffed, exactly as Sam had meant him to. "The day I can't keep up with you is the day I turn in my hunter's badge.”
"Dean, there isn't a hunter's badge," Sam said, heading back out toward the Impala to do a last cursory check to make sure they didn't need anything.
"Exactly." Dean sounded smug, even as he looked out toward the horizon, bright and blue and endless.
They hiked all afternoon, Dean looking like an excited kid over a bunch of rocks, Sam feeling indulgent and a little awed himself. They got back to the Impala as the sun was beginning to set, so Dean had to go to the panorama view at the South Rim for one last look. They stood there together at the little metal boundary that divided the outlook with a few of the other remaining tourists.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dean whispered, staring out over the miles of canyon, still and stately in the darkening light. The canyon was dyed with shades of red and orange, shadows gathering as though the canyon was preparing to pull the curtains across the stage as soon as the sun was down completely.
"Yeah," Sam said, watching Dean watch the world. "It is."
~*~
It was almost midnight by the time Ruby texted Sam, another poke from her on how short of a leash Dean supposedly had him on, and Sam took a look at his brother while he was waiting for her to pick him up again. Dean was deep asleep, face mashed against his pillow, tired from the long day of hiking.
Sam heard a car pull up on the gravel outside and roughly ran a hand through his hair, picking up his keycard for the hotel and letting himself out. He went out to Ruby's car and sat in the passenger seat, giving her a nod of greeting.
As they drove off, Ruby glanced over at him from the corner of her eye, a smile creasing her lips. "It's been a while, Sam."
"Yeah," Sam agreed, "it has."
"How's the hunting business been going for you?"
"Do you really want to do the small talk thing, Ruby?" Sam let his head loll back against the headrest.
"Yeah, sure. Why not? I live for small talk," Ruby said, her smile slowly becoming little more than a grimace of bared teeth. "We've been working together for months, now, and you still think me asking about your day is weird?"
"Was that what you were doing?" Sam asked. "Because what it sounded like to me was that you were asking about hunting so that you could lead in to poking at me about Dean again."
"Okay, I'll admit it." Ruby coaxed her car around a turn. "I'm curious. You're a different person when Dean isn't around. It's really something. Does his opinion mean so much to you?"
"You know it does," Sam said, low and taut.
"Then let me repeat myself. Tell him about what we do, Sam. Don't let him find out some other way."
"I don't need you to tell me how to handle my own brother, okay?" Sam said, shifting restlessly in his seat.
"Obviously you need somebody to do it!" Ruby insisted. "You're helping people by doing this. He'll understand."
"No, he won't, okay?" Sam exploded. "Stop the car, Ruby."
"Sam—"
"Stop the car!"
Ruby pulled into the parking lot of a hospital and threw the gear into park, crossing her arms over her chest so roughly it looked like it hurt. "There! We're here anyway!"
Sam got out of the car, slamming the door, and Ruby followed a second later. "He won't understand why I'm doing this," Sam said raggedly, turning on her. "He won't see that I'm saving lives or stopping demons. He'll just see that I'm using my powers that Azazel gave me after he begged me not to."
"Sam," Ruby said, clasping his hand in hers and staring up into his face. "That's why you have to be the one to tell him. Tell him what it was like to be here without you. He knows. He's felt it himself. Tell him about the people you saved—"
"I can't," Sam said, pulling away from her. "I can't stand thinking about how he'll look at me." Sam inhaled one breath and then two, trying to calm himself. "Dean can't know, Ruby. That's it." Ruby opened her mouth to say something else, her eyes shadowed, and Sam shook his head. "Let's just hunt."
Ruby shook her head and turned away from him. "Fine. Whatever. The demon's in the hospital. I thought it'd be convenient if the emergency room was already there when you got him clean."
"Good thinking," Sam said tersely, following Ruby without complaint. They made their way through the hospital entrance, Ruby distracting the attendants on duty as Sam snagged a look at the duty roster. He made sure to take a separate elevator from her, just to make sure that no one would think to place him and Ruby together. She was just coming to the top of the stairs when the elevator doors slid open and let him out. "Okay," Sam said as she came to his side, "Where is it?"
Ruby gave him an annoyed look, crossing her arms over her chest. "You should be able to sense him this close. Try it."
Sam narrowed his eyes at Ruby and then obediently closed his eyes, stretching his hand out in front of him and concentrating on the oily feeling demons always left in the places they inhabited. There was Ruby next to him, of course, but he stretched his mind farther, darting into rooms and gliding, pushing his power into the air vents. His psychic sense bounced into something slick and nasty, and Sam opened his eyes, dropping his hand. The sudden transition into his physical senses made him a little nauseated, and he swayed in place for a second as he got his bearings.
"Are you okay?" Ruby asked, cupping his elbow to give him a little support.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just give me a second."
"Sure," Ruby said. "Did you find him?"
"Yeah, I think I did." Sam pointed down the hall to a closet near the other stairs. "He's somewhere around there. Either in a janitor, or-or a doctor. Someone that works here."
"You're almost able to tell what body he's in?" Ruby sounded pleased. "That's great. Really great." She squeezed his elbow in approval and walked slowly down the hall, both as a precautionary measure and also to give Sam enough time to catch up with her.
A doctor walked out of a room about three doors away from the stairs, dusting his hands off. He glanced up, took one look at them, and broke into a run.
"Sam!" Ruby shouted, but Sam was already there, shaking off his weakness and loping forward, stretching his hand out as he ran. The demon stumbled when Sam's powers caught him, tripping him in place so that he slammed up against the wall. The demon whirled around to face Sam, planting his hands against the wall and readying a smirk.
"Save it," Sam said, coming to a stop in front of the demon. "Whatever you want to bitch at me about, don't waste your breath. I couldn't care less. Have fun in hell." The demon opened his mouth, maybe to snark back anyway or maybe to smoke his ass out of the body, but Sam pressed his power forward before the demon could do anything, pulling him out of the host with an ease that surprised him. The last one hadn't caused Sam any headaches or nosebleeds, but it had still been a little difficult to maintain his concentration. This time, the demon slid out of the vessel like water dripping from a faucet — slow at first, but quick to gain momentum, until it swirled at their feet and prickled into embers.
The doctor fell forward, but Sam was quick enough to stop the fall and pressed his fingers to the doctor's throat, checking for a pulse. It was there, strong and steady; the demon must not have had him for very long. All the same, Sam felt the thrill of victory and the rush of adrenaline that always came over him after he successfully used his power, and he turned to grin at Ruby, forgetting about their earlier argument. Ruby returned his smile, fierce and feral and full of hunger.
She vanished into one of the rooms and came back out with a stretcher, tugging it against the wall. Sam flopped the doctor onto it, taking care not to give him any additional bruises, and followed Ruby as she went back down the stairs. They snuck past the nurses and the receptionist, laughing together like two children and made it out to the car without anyone else in that hospital being the wiser.
Sam let his laughter ring out a little, allowing himself that bit of freedom now that they were safely out of the hospital, and leaned his elbows against the car, looking to Ruby to share some of his excitement; Ruby smiled and snaked closer, snagging his belt loops with her fingers as she raised on her tiptoes to kiss him.
Sam pressed into her, following the guidance of her hands, and then pulled away. "No, Ruby."
"What?" Ruby asked, settling back down onto her heels. "What you did, how easy it was—it was hot." She abandoned his belt loops to slide her hands under his shirt, stroking at the skin of his sides. "And I've missed you."
Sam brought his hands down to capture Ruby's wrists, tugging her hands out of his shirt. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
"What?" Ruby asked, disbelieving. "But, I thought you—"
"I did," Sam admitted. "And it was okay, then. But not okay now. Dean is. Dean would—"
"Dean, Dean, Dean," Ruby repeated; each time she said the name she got angrier and angrier until she yanked her hands out of Sam's grip. "Dean isn't here, Sam! What is this? I was okay for a fling when your brother was dead, but now that he's back, all of a sudden you have to be a good boy?" Ruby took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're not just the little brother anymore, Sam! You can do what you want!"
"Oh, that's just great," Sam said. "This coming from the demon who wants to tell my brother what we've been doing?"
"What, I've suddenly become the demon again?" Ruby asked hotly, uncrossing her arms and putting one hand on her hip. "And don't you twist my words, Sam. I said that he needs to know about your powers, but it's not anybody's business what we do on our own time, not even Dean's." Ruby's eyes darkened. "Unless—"
"Unless what?" Sam asked, hating himself for asking.
She cocked her head to the side, looking at him unblinkingly. "Oh, Sam," Ruby said, her tone silky. It made Sam's pulse race. "I know I was joking about it before, but maybe there was some truth in it after all?"
"I don't know what you mean," Sam said stiffly as Ruby swayed closer.
"Maybe you and your brother did have that kind of relationship," Ruby breathed, brushing her lips against Sam's collar. "Is that what this is really all about? I was the whore you played with while your brother was away?" Ruby danced her fingers along the edge of Sam's jeans, and Sam shuddered, his breath coming a little faster. "Maybe you're not being a good boy at all."
"Ruby—" Sam began, but Ruby raised a hand to his mouth, silencing him. Ruby trailed her fingers from his lips, across his cheek, leaving little prickles of sensation in her wake.
"Or maybe," Ruby purred contemplatively, "this is another one of your secrets. Does Dean know this, Sam? That you want him to do this?" Ruby pressed Sam against the car, slow and sensuous, and Sam swallowed painfully, face flushing.
"I don't—" Sam began to say, but Ruby just tilted her head, her eyes heated and piercing.
"You don't need to lie to me. Close your eyes, Sam. We can play pretend."
"Ruby, seriously—"
"What do you want him to do, Sammy? Do you want him to press you up against the Impala, like this? Out in public, where anyone can see how bad you're being? I'd bet he'd blow you, you know. He's got the mouth for it." Ruby dropped to her knees, fingers working at his belt slowly.
Sam clenched his eyes shut and turned his face away, embarrassment and arousal curling in his gut. Was he really so obvious about his feelings for Dean that Ruby could pick it out only weeks after he'd discovered it himself? And god help him, he couldn't help participating in Ruby's disgusting game, couldn't help but imagine kissing Dean until his lips were swollen, the way he would smell, like leather and gunpowder, the prickle of his hair against Sam's palm. Sam curled his hand into a fist, his palm tingling with sense memory, and Ruby unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down with agonizing slowness. Sam wanted to put his hand on Ruby's head, to guide her, but he was torn between wanting the fantasy of Dean and wanting to disrupt it, so his hand remained still, hovering in the air over her.
He gritted his teeth against the arousal in him, but then Ruby's hands clamped on his hips, holding him still with a strength that he sometimes forgot she had, and he made a small, desperate sound, inhaling sharply. Ruby laughed, a small, husky sound, and gave him one long, teasing lick, from the root to the tip of his erection.
"Oh, Sammy, you want it so bad," Ruby crooned, and Sam felt her thumb at his slit, her skin going from rough to slick with his pre-come.
"Don't—nnn—call me Sammy," Sam gasped out and reached back for the hood of the car, just to have something to support him.
Ruby wrapped her lips around the crown of his dick and sucked, little zings of pleasure shooting up his spine. He tried to hold still, to allow Ruby to suck at him tentatively, playing at uncertainty, but his hips had other ideas, and he thrust, knowing Ruby could take it. She allowed him, her mouth widening as she inhaled more of him down. It was hot and wet, Ruby's suction perfect and aching in his balls, but then she pulled back, slapping his thigh playfully.
"Do you really think Dean would be experienced enough at cock sucking to do that, Sam? You're not playing by the rules," Ruby said, and Sam had to take a moment to breathe, the thought of Dean being inexperienced at anything regarding sex causing his dick to twitch with excitement.
There was a slick sound, and Sam cracked his eyes open enough to watch Ruby lick her palm and then wrap it around the base of his erection, licking at the head as if it were a lollipop. She stared up at him brazenly, her eyes glittering with something he couldn't identify. Sam dropped his hands to her hair, dragging her up, and Ruby came willingly, mouth damp and shiny, tilting her head to be kissed. Sam didn't disappoint her, leaning down to suck at her bottom lip as he fumbled behind him with his other hand, reaching for the door handle that had been pressing into his spine.
He got the door open and scooped Ruby up against him, his arousal pressing into her stomach, and Ruby made an animalistic sound, biting at his mouth and rubbing against him, one hand going to Sam's hair, the other to palm his erection again. Sam gently pushed Ruby back into the back seat of her car, and followed after her, drawing his hands up her sides and pushing her shirt out of the way. He licked at her navel, sank his teeth just above the line of her jeans, and Ruby moaned under him, squirming in the small space.
Sam took a second to close the door behind him as Ruby wiggled out of her shirt, and then they were pressed back together, heat rising between them. Ruby wrapped her arms around Sam's head, fingers scratching through his hair, and he bent down to suck at her nipple through the white cotton bra she was wearing, groaning as it hardened against his tongue. He bit at the flesh there, brought his hand up to cup her other breast and squeeze, and Ruby moaned, throwing her head against the seat and sinking her nails into his back. She squirmed enough to get the room to let her thighs fall open, and he slid into the juncture of her legs, the denim of her jeans chafing against him.
Sam fumbled at the fastener of Ruby's jeans, biting at her shoulder and sucking on her collarbone as he unzipped the fly. Ruby shoved at his shoulders, and they wriggled until
Sam was on his back, Ruby over him as she shimmied out of her jeans and underwear. Sam moved his hand between her legs to stroke against her clitoris as she clambered over him again, and Ruby moaned appreciatively, rocking her hips against him as she bent down for a kiss. Sam returned it messily, licking against her teeth and darting his tongue in her mouth to twist against hers, and Ruby separated their mouths with a wet, dirty sound, leaning over to press her lips to his ear instead.
"You wish I was him, don't you?" Ruby continued relentlessly, and Sam made a pained sound, turning his head away as he brought his slick palm from the apex of her thighs to the swell of her hip, rocking her downward against his aching flesh. "You want him to let you in like this. Just like this," Ruby breathed, and she stretched toward the front seat to grab a condom from the glove box and rip it open, sliding it over Sam with practiced hands.
"Ruby—" Sam lost whatever his next words were going to be as she sank down on him, hot and clenching, one smooth slide until he was balls deep in her cunt; she began to move, short, punishing, delicious thrusts against him.
"It wouldn't be as easy as this," Ruby moaned, twisting her hips in a way that made Sam clutch at her and shake. "He would fight you every step of the way, even if he wanted it too. But—oh—he'd feel so good. It'd be worth it. He'd be so—so&mdash Sam—" She tore at her collarbone with her long nails, blood beading up in a thin line.
Ruby trembled around him as she climaxed, and Sam thrust, followed her into it, every muscle clenched taut with pleasure. Sam clasped her tight to him, hands in her hair, cradling her skull roughly, and sucked at her blood, hungry for it as he sobbed into her shoulder, thinking Dean, Dean, Dean.
~*~
Ruby dropped Sam off in front of the hotel room, and Sam sighed. Hopefully, Dean would be asleep, because Sam smelled like sex, and all he wanted to do was get a shower and collapse into bed. He slid his key card into the lock and opened the door, immediately realizing that he wasn't going to be as lucky as to get off that easily as soon as he looked inside.
Dean was sitting on the end of his bed, staring into the air in front of him. His jaw clenched when Sam stepped into the room, but that was the only movement.
Sam closed the door behind him; it felt like he was caging himself in with an angry animal. "Hey, Dean," he said and winced at how fake his voice sounded, too hearty and loud in the quiet.
"Where were you, Sam?" Dean asked quietly.
Sam decided to fake ignorance and made his way over to the bathroom. "What do you mean, where was I? I went to get some—"
"Don't lie to me," Dean interrupted, his voice cold and tense.
Sam took a breath, swallowed what he'd been about to say. This was bad. "What makes you think I was lying to you?" Sam asked, turning away from the bathroom to look more closely at Dean.
"I got a visit from a little bird tonight," Dean said, apropos of nothing.
"A little … " Sam began and then went silent, his stomach sinking. "Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh'," Dean said, a mirthless smile twisting his mouth. "He said 'your brother is heading down a dark path.' He said 'stop him.' Care to tell me what he was talking about?"
"Why didn't your angel give you all the details, then? Why ask me?" Sam defensively crossed his arms over his chest.
"Funny, wise guy. That's a real gut buster." Dean shook his head and stood, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I asked him, but he just said that I should talk to you. So, I'm talking."
"Dean." Sam took a step forward, reaching out for Dean. "Please. Can we talk about this in the morning?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not? Don't let me disturb your beauty sleep." Dean took a step back and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Sam asked, his voice plaintive and small.
"Out." The door slammed shut behind him.
Sam stared toward the door, and it was only then that he noticed his hand was raised as though he could pull Dean back with just the power of his mind. He heard the Impala start up and pull out, and he dropped his hand, leaning back against the doorframe with exhaustion. After a minute, he went into the bathroom and closed the door, shucking off his clothes and getting into the shower. He washed himself thoroughly, numb and feeling detached, and then stood in the fall of water, arms braced against the wall.
Sam reared back and punched the wall in front of him; he winced as he felt the skin over his knuckles split and new that he'd pay for it later, but adrenaline took the pain away. What was more important was that it felt good, so he did it again, watching as his blood dripped down his fist and vanished down the shower drain.
After that, Sam rested his head against the wall he'd just punched, and tried to figure out what he could say to Dean to make this better. He couldn't think of anything, and eventually the water pounding into him went cold. He got out of the shower, dried his hair and wrapped a towel around his hips before opening the door of the bathroom.
Sam got dressed and tidied up his little mess, folding the towels out of habit, and then he went to the table by the window to sit and wait for Dean to come back. His hand ached, even after he'd bandaged it and taken some aspirin for the pain.
When Dean came back, it was already light, and Sam had not moved from his spot at the table once since his shower.
"Where were you, Dean?" Sam asked softly.
"Oh, so you don't like it so much when you're on the receiving end, do you?" Dean scoffed and shoved the car keys into his pocket.
Sam sighed and shook his head. "I never left when you were awake."
Dean crossed his arms. "But you admit that you left."
"Yes," Sam agreed. "I did."
Dean waited silently for a moment and then arched an eyebrow at Sam. "Is this going to be like pulling a tooth? Do I have to keep asking you?"
Sam flushed and stood, feeling more comfortable now that Dean had to look up in order to give him the angry stare. "I was … hunting."
"Hunting," Dean said flatly.
"Yeah. Hunting demons. With Ruby." Sam cleared his throat.
"Oh! Well, that explains it all! Everything's peachy!" Dean said, and Sam thought that maybe he could inject more sarcasm into his words if he tried really hard. "Hunting with Ruby, Sam? Didn't you tell me that she was gone when I asked about her? What's so important that you had to lie about it to me?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm hanging out with a demon might stop me from telling you," Sam spat. "And don't even act like you've never lied to me about anything!"
"Is that all?" Dean asked suddenly, his hands curling into fists at his sides. He looked at Sam, and Sam could see the desperation written all over his face. "Is that what Castiel was talking about? You're just … buddies with the demon bitch?"
"I … " Sam sighed, his own self-righteousness deflating, and sank back into his chair, running a hand through his rumpled hair. Ruby had been right. He should have told Dean everything a long time ago. "No, that's not all. Sit down, Dean. Please."
Dean took a deep breath, obviously steeling himself, and walked over to Sam, pulling the other chair out from the table and pointedly sitting in it. "Okay," Dean said quietly.
"I've been hunting demons with Ruby," Sam repeated and took a small breath, already tensing up at the idea of Dean's reaction to the next part. "She's been teaching me how to use my powers."
"How to use your … " Dean trailed off, going very still.
Sam gestured at himself, plowing forward now that there was no going back. "I can use my, you know, my mind. To exorcise them." Dean tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling, and Sam slunk down into his chair, absolutely unwilling to tell Dean about the other stuff. He was pretty sure Castiel wouldn't care about his sex life anyway. "But that's everything, Dean. I promise."
Dean shook his head at that, laughing bitterly. "I'm sure." Dean got up from his seat and stood there, looking a little lost. Then his expression firmed up into something approaching certainty and he went over to the closet and started to pull his clothes out.
"Dean," Sam said nervously, hating that quaver in his voice, and Dean whirled around, stalking into Sam's space and swinging a fist that connected solidly with Sam's jaw.
"Ow!" Sam brought a hand up to his face, cradling his jaw in his palm for a moment. "Okay, I deserved that. Are you finished?"
Dean stopped for a second, as though to consider, and punched Sam again, splitting his lip painfully.
"I guess not," Sam said, stubbornly keeping his eyes on Dean. "Dean—"
The third punch made him bite his tongue hard, and Sam surged to his feet, angry and in pain. "Will you quit hitting me?" he yelled.
Dean paused again, and Sam waited tensely, ready to bring an arm up to block just in case Dean felt particularly bloodthirsty. "I'm good," Dean decided and grabbed some ice from the freezer to toss at Sam before he went back to the closet.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, holding the ice gingerly to his face.
"Well," Dean said slowly, as he set his first batch of clothing on the bed and then went over to the drawers, just to make sure he didn't have anything in there, "It seems like you're doing a stand up job on your own. There's no need for me to be here. Not with a demon watching your back."
"Dean, no," Sam said, taking a step forward. "Don't, please—"
"What do you expect me to do, Sam?" Dean whirled on him again, eyes pained and so very green, and Sam hated himself, hated how he wanted to burrow against him and kiss his brother until all of Dean's objections went away. "You're using your psychic mojo and hanging out with a demon and lying to me about it. I can't even begin to tell you what's wrong with that!”
"Dean!" Sam pleaded, dropping the ice that he was holding onto the floor, frantic to make him understand, "I'm saving people! I'm only using it for the exorcisms, I promise!"
"You're exorcising demons with your mind!" Dean shouted at him from across the bed. "Do you even know how far you've gone, how far from human that is?"
"It's worth it, Dean! I've saved more people in the last five months than we did in a whole year!"
"If this is so good, then why did you lie to me about it? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?" Dean looked around, as though he wanted to hit something again and stalked up to Sam, grasping the lapels of his shirt in his hands and yanking him close. "If I didn't know you, Sammy?" Dean breathed, voice low, "I'd want to hunt you. And other hunters would too."
Dean let Sam's shirt go, and Sam inhaled wetly, eyes prickling with heat as he stared at his brother. His phone rang, breaking the tense, brittle silence, and he brought a hand up to his forehead as he answered it. "Hello?" Dean turned away toward the little kitchen cubby, scrubbing at the back of his head with his hand.
"Is this the way you treat all your friends, boy?" Missouri's brash Southern accent cut through the line, and Sam winced, smiling just a little. "Now, just 'cause your daddy died doesn't mean that you should be a stranger, you got that?"
"Hey, Missouri," Sam said weakly. "Sorry that I haven't talked to you. Um. This really isn't a good time—"
"Balderdash!" Missouri interrupted him. "You listen here and you listen good, Sam Winchester. This is what you're going to do. You're going to get into that old gas guzzler of yours and you're going to high tail it over to my place, you got that? And bring that fool brother of yours. I have gutters that need cleaning."
"Missouri—" Sam tried again, but she cut through his words as though they didn't even exist.
"Don't you sass me! Get a move on, now!" The line went dead, and Sam was left feeling like he'd just been bowled over by a Mack truck. And with as hard as Dean's fist was, he'd probably be looking like it in a couple of hours.
Sam sighed. Dean turned to look at the clothing that he'd gathered as though he wasn't quite sure what to do with them anymore.
"How do you feel about a road trip to Kansas?" Sam asked softly, offering the words as an almost apology that he was sure Dean would hear and understand, even if he ignored them.
"I can't let you face Missouri on your own," Dean said eventually and continued to pack his duffle bag. "Even though I should. She likes you better, anyway."
"I think she likes you better," Sam said and pulled out his bag as well. "That's why she lets you near her gutters."
And if the atmosphere between them was still tense and awkward, Sam wasn't going to complain. Maybe going to see Missouri would give Dean some time to cool down and think about the benefits his powers might bring them.
That was probably wishful thinking, though, and Sam knew it.
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Awwwwwwwwwwww, Sam is such a dumbass. I am so glad that Dean punch him.
Also, the sex was hot, even though I really hate Ruby. And car sex is one of my weaknesses. It makes me *so* damn happy.
Missouri! Yay! I can't wait for the next part because she is awesome. :D